Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
