i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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