her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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