dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
