birth control should be required to get into college
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
