Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
