wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
