best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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