I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
