I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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