ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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