i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
