I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
