Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
