did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
