I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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