Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I look better un-naked...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
