Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
