I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
