Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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