Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
