Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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