I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
