I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
