erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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