We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
