I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
