Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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