Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
