I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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