Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
