I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
