My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
