Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
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