you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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