on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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