She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
