The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Actions speak louder than pants.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
