woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
