Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
