You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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