this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I want you more than these girls want KFC
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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