Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
