His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
