I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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