We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
