your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
