Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
