I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
