he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
