I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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