carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
