Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
